Putting the joy back into the festive season

For many of us the festive season is a time of overwhelm. A time of family pressure, over indulgence (and not necessarily the fun kind!), boundaries are overstepped, and our children are over-excited and over-tired. With all the pressure it’s no wonder that this time of year is riddled with stress and sometimes conflict.

But.. it doesn’t need to be. By gaining clarity in a few areas, you can go from just surviving, to thriving in this and future festive seasons.

Say no, and get comfortable with disappointing others

One of the reasons we do more than we have a capacity for, is fear of disappointment. Disappointment is a normal part of life yet many of us try to avoid it at all costs. It is your right to say no, and it is the receiver’s responsibility to manage their own disappointment. If this is difficult for you to put into practice you might find it helpful to work through these points of reflections;

• how does your avoidance of disappointing others serve you? what does it cost you?

• what does it mean about you if you disappoint someone? explore if this is a fair assessment (of yourself) by reviewing the evidence for and against it. For example, if your answer is “it means I’m selfish”, what evidence do you have that supports the belief that you are selfish? what evidence do you have that refutes it? What might be a more balanced perspective (i.e. “I am not selfish but I am acting in a way that is good and right for me”).

• You could also try creating distance between yourself and your unhelpful self assessment by putting; “I’m having the thought that…” in front of your thought (i.e. “I’m having the thought that I’m a selfish person”). Putting this distance between your thought and yourself can be enough to lessen the impact it has on how you feel so that you can still go ahead and say no or set your boundary.

What are your values?

Start by figuring out what it is that is important to you and your family over this time, and focus on prioritising activities and behaviours that allow you to live in alignment with your values. For example if your value is to be present with others, you might consider reducing the number of engagements in a day or week so that you can spend more time being present with your children, family, and friends at the few engagement you attend instead.

Managing time with family and friends

Feeling connected to family friends is a common desire at this time because it is a human need. An important question here might be who do you want to feel connected to? And how do you want to feel while with them? Identify the people who nourish you, who allow you to feel connected to them when you come exactly as you are. If there are people who you feel pressured to see who don’t fit these criteria, maybe it’s time to rethink being in their presence. If you can’t avoid it, then set yourself some clear boundaries about how you will manage your time with them. For example if you tend to get in the same argument with a certain person, you might consider excusing yourself when you become aware that the conversations is heading in that direction, or have a response ready like “I’d really rather not talk about that today, how are you going with XYZ?”

Plan for rest and downtime

Put it in your diary if you need to. This could look like napping in the day, earlier bedtime, a daytime movie with the kids, or a swim in the ocean by yourself. Whatever a recharge looks like for you, do that. The festive season doesn’t need to be an endurance event and you’ll get more out of the time you spend active if you have an opportunity to rest and reflect.

Set financial boundaries

Identify who you want to provide gifts for and budget accordingly. As tempted as you might be to spoil someone and go over your budget, you will regret it later if it is not within your means. Many of us spend a lot more than we have the capacity for over the festive season, which can lead to financial strain come January or even throughout December. Get creative in your gifting; make things, provide experiences over tangible gifts, but most of all remember that your presence throughout this time will be remembered long after the initial thrill of a gift is gone.

I hope some of these points of reflection have been helpful, and I wish you a heartfelt happy holiday season!

Much love.